Internet Big Sis. Entry #3

“How do I deal with feeling behind in life?”

Intro.

Hiiii

It’s your INTERNET BIG SIS!!

As the eldest daughter, I’ve always wanted an older sister. Someone to give me advice, listen to my problems, teach me how to wear concealer and just be a girl with me.

Of course, I only want one because I didn’t have one and needed to navigate the world on my own. Then, I had a thought. What if I started an “Internet Big Sis” thing where I give older sister advice and stuff to my girlies online??

I asked and you answered enthusiastically. So here it is.

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“How do I deal with feeling behind in life?”

First thing’s first, never feel like you’re alone in this. Everyone feels like they’re falling behind at times. It’s only natural. And with social media, and people posting the absolute best parts of their lives and cutting everything else, it’s so easy to fall into the trap of believing there’s some schedule to life that everyone but you got.

The more I’m in activist spaces, the more I realise people’s issues, fears and insecurities are rarely things that are separate from larger societal issues. For example, this feeling of not doing enough is a near direct consequence of a late stage capitalist society that values profit over everything else.

You can see this in the way everyone has a side hustle, everyone is monetising their hobbies, everyone is talking about what made them $1000 a month, every teenager is an entrepreneur. And this isn’t to say all people are shallow or money hungry, the cost of living in many places is beyond what a single job can manage.

Feeling like you’re falling behind in life comes from feeling like you’re not productive enough, like you haven’t done enough. Materially that is. You can do a lot of internal work, overcome depression, heal from an eating disorder, go through a bad breakup, work through grieving a loved one, but you can measure that progress with money, or fame. That progress stays in your head. In a world where profits are worshipped, if it doesn’t make money, does it even have value? If it doesn’t get you closer to making money, if it doesn’t make it seem like you have money, does it even have value? If you can’t post it, does it matter?

The thing about life is, you’re only here to live it. Right? Sure, certain things require money, or recognition. I understand. But problems arise when we think of our lives and experiences and accomplishments in relation to other people’s.

“Comparison is the thief of joy.”

And it really is. You don’t know another person’s situation, you don’t know what resources they had, or what luck they had. And what do you think success is? For some it’s a family, kids maybe, for others it’s traveling to every country they can or coming up with a cure for all cancers. Everyone defines success in their own way, despite how it is still shaped by societal ideals.

The only purpose of life is to live. All you have to think about is “am I using today to make life better for me tomorrow?”

There is no predetermined timeline of milestones that you have to hit that aren’t totally made up. Your life is for you and only you, you’re the only one who’s going to live it.

The truth is, you can’t be “behind in life” because it is not a race. Getting rid of the feeling is hard, but one way to try is to define what your idea of success is. What do you want out of life? What are you working toward?

Then follow through with tunnel vision. Other people’s lanes are none of your concern. You’re just taking it one day at a time to the life that you want. There’s no ticking clock. There’s no countdown or timer. There’s just you and your goal. The only person you should compare yourself to is you from yesterday.

You’re not in a competition. You’re here to enjoy your only life.

OKAY BYE I LUV UUUUUUUU